Holding the space...
Wearing all of my many hats I have become extremely aware, particularly in these challenging COVID-19 times, that most of my roles are defined by holding space for another. With this comes responsibility, but also humility, compassion and privilege. All values we can find inside ourselves at a moments’ notice to be there for others.
As therapists, we hold the space; we hold the space for a client to safely explore what has happened for them and gently move through their feelings and realisations to work toward healing. Our strength in this space is reassuring and comforting, giving them the optimum opportunity to heal. Our composure is important for our client to access the parts of their brain that hold their fear and work through it toward healing.
As a facilitator of training child protection principles, it is so important to hold the space for learning. With heavy content, any one or many of the group can be triggered at any one time, but the space needs to be held so the information can be taken on by everyone and their learning needs met. I have noticed that whilst we have transitioned into more online learning, holding that space is just as important and we need to use skills to see what is going on for people but also use our other sensors to listen for any signs that someone is slipping into a lack of safety and tuning out.
As leaders of teams, we hold the space for our team, to feel safe, productive and supported. Leadership theory tells us that our teams are happier and work more efficiently when we support them, are interested in them, and role model how to get the job done and value their contribution. I think as a leader, this is so much more than theory; my team are my friends, we work together, and I hold a unique space to support them in their time with me, not just because they are my team, but because I care about them. When tough times hit, they are dependent on an income and fundamentally I need to hold the space of reassurance to help them through.
When we get home, as parents, we hold the space for our children. For them to feel and express their emotions, to cry and to laugh. They can do this because we are strong. I want to be there for these times and help my children when they fall to get back up again, a little stronger with new insights.
It has occurred to me that COVID-19 has added another layer of stress on everyone in our planet and this means there is more space to hold. We all have different reactions, there is so much information out there, some conflicting and other information restricting. The impact on our work is significant, the impact on our homes, it all increases our stress and makes it harder to hold space. When stress is high, we behave in very different ways than our normal behaviour, reacting with their survival systems rather than our rational brain. We have grand toilet paper heists, hoarding, and a whole new range of human behaviour. On top of these changes in behaviour is fatigue, being in our survival brain is fatiguing, then holding space is fatiguing.
Whilst I don’t have any solutions, I think my learning is about looking after myself, keeping my cup full, noting times when there is no space to hold and embracing it, relishing in it, putting the space aside. Remembering that the space is important, and so is understanding and compassion in these crazy times. So, notice it, hold it, put it down in between, and breathe.