Self-Care for Carers
A printable version of this article is available for download at the bottom of this page.
What is Self Care?
Self-care is an act that we do to take care of our mental, emotional and physical health.
Self-care is personal and what works for one person might not work for another.
Acts of self care are done to better your wellbeing and reduce stress.
Self-care is not a selfish act. As well as allowing us to take better care of ourselves, self-care gives us the capacity to take care of others.
Different types of self-care
Emotional Self Care
Emotional self-care – Activities which help you to identify, get un touch with and reflect on a full range of emotions. For example, seeing a therapist, creating art, playing music.
Physical Self Care
Physical self care – things you do to improve your sense of well being and physical health. For example, going for a walk, eating a balanced diet, getting enough sleep.
Spiritual Self Care
Spiritual self care – activities that nurture your spirit and allow you to think bigger than yourself. Spiritual self care does not have to be religious, although it is for some people. For example, meditation, yoga, going to a place of worship, being in nature.
Mental Self Care
Mental self care – Activities which stimulate your mind and which make you think. Alternatively, these can be activities where you give your mind a rest. For example, reading a book, doing a crossword, visiting the art gallery or museum.
Social Self
Social self care – Actions which create, nurture and deepen the relationships with people in your life. For example, meeting up with friends, going on a date with your significant other, calling family members regularly.
Practical self-care
Activities or tasks which fulfill key demands of your life in order to prevent stressful situations in the future. For example, organising your closet, developing a budget, taking a personal development class.
Read more about what self care is and why it is important here.
Click here, if you would like to take a short quiz about what sort of self care you benefit from.
For information about self care for as a family, click here.
You can’t pour from an empty cup
We each have an emotional cup. Our emotional cup is unique to us, and individual cups are different shapes and sizes with the ability to hold a certain amount of emotional energy. When our cup is full, we have the resources to deal with day-to-day stressors and challenges including being able to emotionally support other people. What fills and empties a person’s emotional cup will be unique to them, but the graphic below shows some common things that can fill or empty your cup.
What empties your cup?
Stress and strain
Fatigue
Secondary trauma
Having too much on
A child’s challenging behaviour
What fills your cup?
Meditation
Time out
Chatting with a friend
Hobbies
Reading
Going for a walk
When a carer is feeling fatigued and is not meeting their own emotional and physical needs, their cup begins to empty. A carer with an empty cup may show their frustrations through stress, yelling, punishment and not meeting the needs of their children. Our children also have emotional cups which we fill but when our cups are empty, we can’t fill our children’s cup. When our children’s cups are empty, they may act out by misbehaving, being hypervigilant and not being able to regulate their emotions. A child acting out can further distress the carer, further emptying their emotional cup until the family becomes stuck in a cycle of empty emotional cups. Practicing self-care could be beneficial in assisting the carer to fill their emotional cup and avoiding compassion fatigue and secondary trauma. This is why practicing self-care is so important for carers.
Why is it so hard to fill your cup?
It’s hard to unplug. Sure, the idea sounds nice, but you have a lot to do on your to-do list and it has to be done today! Everything feels like it should be a priority. So, we keep running. Over time that running makes our cups develop a slow leak (or a big leak) and we find ourselves running on empty. Stopping in today’s busy world is incredibly hard but it can be done.
Finding time to fill your cup
You have to realise that you should be a priority. You can’t take care of others if you can’t take care of yourself. This means that you need to be intentional with scheduling time for self-care into your day. This may mean that you have to let go of lower priority tasks on your list. Whilst this may sound daunting or impossible, remember self-care is essential in providing care to others, you can’t pour from an empty cup.
Compassion fatigue, secondary trauma and burnout
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Signs:
Fatigue
Anger
Frustration
Negative reactions towards others
Cynicism
Negativity
Withdrawal
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Signs:
Sadness & Grief
Avoidance of or dread of interacting with your child
Aches and pains or upset stomach
Addiction
Nightmares
Being on edge
Feeling ‘detached’ from reality
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Signs:
Anxiety
Sadness
Confusion
Not caring about things
Unwanted thoughts
Bodily complaints
Relationship difficulties
Change to the way you think
Poor concentration, focus and difficulty making decisions
Self-care is important in preventing and managing experiences of burnout, compassion fatigue and secondary Trauma. It is important to reach out for support if you feel like you are suffering from Burnout, Compassion fatigue or Secondary trauma.
More information on burnout can be found here.
More information on compassion fatigue can be found here.
More information on secondary trauma can be found here.
Building Self Care
It can feel overwhelming to start a self-care practice. You might not be sure which type of self-care will be the most beneficial for you and you might not be sure where and when you can fit it in
How do you cope right now? It can be useful to look at the behaviours that we currently use to manage stress and distress. Taking the lifestyle behaviours quiz can help you identify the positive and negative self-care behaviours that you may have. You can get further insight into your current self-care behaviours across the different types of selfcare by taking this selfcare assessment. By understanding what you currently do well and what could be improved, you can start to build a plan for self-care.
Navigating self-care as a family
Often, we think of self-care as something which is practiced individually however, practicing self-care together as a family can support better communication and strengthen relationships all whilst delivering the same benefits as practicing self-care individually. Both kids and adults need time to refresh, recharge and unwind from work, school and current events. Remember, children have an emotional cup which needs to be refilled too.
Steps for practicing self-care as a family
Set a goal for self-care – come together as a family and brainstorm some ideas for self-care that you would like to do as a family. Choose a balance of five or six activities which come from each of the self-care categories.
Keep the plan where everyone can see it – by keeping your plan for self-care.
Navigating self-care as a family: Creating a family self-care plan
Self-care is for everyone. We all have emotional cups which need to be filled and we saw that families can become stuck in a cycle of empty cups. Kids and adults need time to refresh, recharge and unwind from school, work and current events. Whilst individual self-care is essential, coming together as a family to practice self-care can lead to better communication and strengthen relationships.
Five steps to establishing self-care as a family.
Plan together for self-care – set aside some time on the weekend or after dinner to come together as a family and begin planning. Pick a time when everyone will be there so that all family member’s views and preferences are considered.
Plan goals – Think about things you and your family want to work towards (for example, reducing screen time, spending more time together etc…) and identify stressors experienced by your family (for example, busy schedules)
Brainstorm activities – create a list of five or six activities that you can do together as a family which will help your family meet the goals identified above (for example, if you identified wanting to spend more time together and reduce screen time, you could plan to play board games together as a family). Try to include self-care activities from each of the types of self-care outlined above.
Determine the frequency – once you have a list of activities, work together to prioritize the ones which make most sense for your current schedule and determine frequency. For example, if one of your activities is going for a family walk after dinner, you may start off by doing this twice per week. Start small and increase your frequency as you gain momentum.
Keep your self-care plan where you can see it – as the old saying goes “out of sight, out of mind” if you don’t put it where it will be seen regularly by the whole family, it may not be prioritised. Hanging yourself care plan on the refrigerator or by the front door will mean that all family members are seeing it frequently and this will help keep you plan as a priority.