Self Care for Carers
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What is Self Care?
Self care is an act that we do to intentionally take care of our mental, emotional, and physical health. Self care is personal, and the way you approach it will be different to other carers, however all acts of self care are done to better your well being.
Self care is not a selfish act and it isn't only about 'taking care of yourself' but, is about knowing what we need for us to better take care of ourselves and in turn, take care of others.
The Domains of Self Care
Emotional Self Care
Understanding ourselves more, becoming more resilient, and developing positive relationships. Responding to our personal needs can build a great sense of compassion, kindness, and love for ourselves and others.
Physical Self Care
Benefits to your individual health and nutritional needs. Engaging in these practices improves your self-esteem and lifts your energy levels.
Spiritual Self Care
Acts that follow you values and beliefs, that give your life meaning. This can help you find your purpose, build a sense of belonging, and develop a connection to something greater than oneself.
Mental Self Care
Creating a balance between stimulating you mind and giving your mind a break. Learning new skills and concepts can benefit your mental well being.
Social Self
Care Building meaningful relationships with people and creating a sense of belonging and acceptance.
Fill the cup
Imagine that every child has a cup that needs to be filled with affection, love, security, and attention. Some seem to have a full cup most of the time, or know good ways to get a refill. But most children get a little nervous when their cup gets nearly empty.
What empties a child's cup?
Stress and strain
Rejection
Isolation
Yelling and punishment
Failing
Fatigue
Doing what they're forced to do or hate.
What fills a child's cup?
Play
Friendship
One-on-one time
Love and affection
Connection
Succeeding
Doing what they love to do or what they choose to do.
When a carer is feeling fatigued and is not meeting their own emotional and physical needs, their cup begins to empty. A carer with an empty cup may manifest their frustrations through stress, yelling, punishment, and failing to meet the needs of the child. This empties the child’s cup, who may then act out by misbehaving, being hypervigilant and not regulating their emotions. A child acting out can further distress the carer, until the family becomes stuck in a cycle of empty emotional cups. Practicing self-care could be beneficial in assisting the carer fill their emotional cup back up and avoiding feelings of compassion fatigue and secondary trauma.
Secondary Trauma and Compassion Fatigue
Secondary trauma - The carer feels traumatised by the child's experiences.
Compassion fatigue - The carer becomes so drained and exhausted by the child's behaviour and needs that there are real physiological changes in the brain, rendering the carer unable to connect with the child or access empathy and higher thinking.
Respite
When dealing with the high emotions that come as a result of compassion fatigue and secondary trauma, sometimes it is a good idea to consider some respite as it is beneficial to remove yourself from your child for a period.
Building Self Care
For your Family
Practice this as a family may present you with some more opportunities to practice self-care, and will benefit each family member.
These could include:
Reading together
Watch a movie
Play in the park
Clean up
Host a sleepover
For Yourself
Keep in mind that implementing these care strategies is not meant to be difficult – they are about keeping you sane and providing you with a means to look after your own well-being.
These could include:
Having a bath
Read a good book
Enjoy nature
Join a support group
Use mindfulness and meditation techniques
Identify things that interest you, e.g hobbies
Foundations of Therapeutic Parenting
Therapeutic parenting is defined as “a deeply nurturing parenting style, with a foundation of self-awareness and a central core of mentalisation, developed from consistent, empathetic, insightful responses to a child’s distress and behaviours; allowing the child to begin to self-regulate, develop an understanding of their own behaviours and ultimately form secure attachment.
Empathetic support and self-care is identified as the first layer of foundation towards therapeutic parenting. Self-care can assist carer to treat and prevent compassion fatigue and continue to respond to their child’s needs in a nurturing environment.